In my 2ww

So, after 4 surgeries and 4 protocols, we decided to try a non-medicated cycle and here I am... Added some Claritin and good to go! We decided on AH. The embeds went from a 4 and 6b to a 6 and 8b not the best I've had but I'm sure it could've been worse unfortunately Dr. W, the Dr I switched from did the FET. I am not too thrilled about that, but at least they were placed in a zero fluid environment dad went in room with me. It was sweet of him. I'm glad he decided to con in since DH couldn't be there.  I took 2valiums this time and acupuncture, which I'll never do again! It hurt and it was stupid. 2 days later and I still feel like I got stung by bee I

In certain spots. 

1dp3dt

Yesterday and today I've done nothing but lay in bed. Mom came over at 630am. That's the time DH left for work. I've done nothing but watch LMN movies. I have some cramping but nothing intolerable. The nurse called to see how I was. I told her about the cramps and she said it was normal. 

I was reading my blog from the last successful FET and it said this is when the dizziness started. So far, I don't feel dizzy in the least bit. I know I shouldn't compare to last round but it's kind of hard not to. 

I took an hour nap earlier and I think I'm totally ready for my 2nd. Let's just say bed rest is much different when you have a LO and you're used to running around with him all the time!  I'm very antsy and feel like I haven't been as strict with myself, this time. I've gotten up to get a drink 2x and my laptop. Oh, I also got up to grab a pen and paper. Nothing crazy, but still...

2dp3dt

I figured out that I can use my tablet! I think it sucks to type on cause the keyboard is separated but I'll make it work. Again, mom got here at 630 to take care of my lil smidgy. He must've just woke up cause I hear her talking to him up there. He's so cute. I can't wait to see him. 

I still have ramps. Last night when I got up to get my meds, I was a lil light headed. This could totally bedroom not moving out of bed. This morning, I just feel a little bit foggy, if that makes any sense. Idk what the heck I'm gonna watch on tv today. All I know is mom made pancakes and I'm gonna go devour them. Ttyl.

Overall, I had a good day today.  Had faint headache but nothing that Tylenol XS couldn't take care of.  I got to catch up on G&B and a whole bunch on LMN movies.  I had tuna with cheese and BBQ chip for lunch and an amazing pork chop, potatoes and green beans dinner.

I took my temp today just out of curiosity cause it was 99.8 on this day with Paxton.  Today it was 99.3  Hmmmm.....  I mean, I really don't think I have any other symptoms, right now.  All I know is I'm so excited to shower!  My hair is just YUCK!  It's 11:30 pm and I'm basically wide awake.  I hope I can sleep.

Paxton goes to my SIL's tomorrow for my MIL to watch him.  It kind of makes me sad that he won't be here.  It's for the best, though, since I'm unable to lift him.  It's gonna suck not having mom here with me.  Bugga was supposed to come over but she landed herself an ankle fracture.  I lied to her and told her the Dr gave me clearance to be on my own.  I can't have her helping me!

Anyways, back to FET talk.  According to the last 3dt, that is when my symptoms started to hit stronger.  I guess we'll see.  I;m just not getting a very good feeling about this.  This just may be the end if the road for me and I just have to accept it.  I literally gave it my all and we've now hit the end.  So, I hope that I'm given the chance to raise another beautiful sweet baby.  I really do.  If not, thank God I was blessed with my beautiful baby boy.  Do many others were/are unable to get that.  No matter what, I'm stepping away KNOWING that we truly are blessed.

3dp3dt

My lil babe is with my MIL.  It's amazing to me how much something/someone so small can fill a house so much.  I want to say it's nice but it's not.  I miss him.  I've been hiding in the bedroom cause I think I'll be sad in the living room, without him.  Even still,  I'm in the bedroom and it's so weird not hearing his little voice saying "mum mum" every two seconds.  

Zero symptoms today.  I have cramping, but that's all.  Today is dragging with no one to talk to.  I can't believe I still have 11 days to go.  ARGH!  I can't wait to get to a point where I can at least POAS.  

It's around 6:15 pm and it's great to have lil man back in the house.  He's been giggling non-stop.  Pains are focused on my right side.  Last FET, it was on the left.  I just took some tylenol xs.  I"m actually still laying in bed.  Been in bed basically all day.  I'm just really tired off and on and I have heartburn off and on.  

I feel like as the night goes on, I feel worse.  I went in the living room for awhile and at 8 pm, I had to lie down.  I was feel nauseated and had cramps.  I took about a 1/2 hour nap and I'm feeling a bit better.   My temp earlier was 99.4, so that's pretty good.  I'm just excited as each day passes cause I'm getting closer to the end of my 2ww and also I'm excited for mom to be here tomorrow.  

4dp3dt

Well, I made it to 4dp.  Another day closer.  I would like to POAS in 3 days.  I just need to get to the Dollar Store to stock up! I woke up this morning feeling blah.  A lil dizzy, but not crazy dizzy.  A lil nauseated but not crazy nauseated.  Mom came over.  She is laying down with the babe, right now, but she made me some scrambled eggs with cheese and my stomach isn't as queasy now that I ate a lil bit.  I read the back of the Endometrin box to see exactly what symptoms could be from that and what symptoms could be from (ah-hem) and CRAP!!! It's the same stupid things!!  Dizziness, nausea, cramping.....Speaking of cramping, this is the first day that I haven't really noticed any cramping.  It was pretty bad at one point last night.  I guess we'll see how the rest of the day goes.  For now, I"m just gonna lay in bed and watch Panic Button.  It's on LMN and starts in 10 minutes.  It just HAS to be better than this stupid movie that's on, now.  It's called Killer Reality.  It's a spoof of The Bachelor only he kills the girls or just killed one of the girls.  LOL.  Who knows...  I'm not watching it.  The next movie is about moving in suburbs and the neighbor becomes obsessed with her.  Oooooo...suspensful!! lolol.  Ya, it's either that or Brady Bunch cause nothing else is on...  And sadly, I've already watched 2 episodes of Brady Bunch and I just can't take any more of that cheese!  TTYL.

Holy freaking electrical jolts!!  I had a pain in my right side that was so bad, it actually took my breath away.  I was shaking, that's how bad it hurt.  Shortly after, it hit on my left side.  And then my upper side of my left back and behind my belly button.  Not to mention my back is killing my right in between my shoulder blades.  Wow!  That's all I really have going on for me tonight.  I've been tired today but I also probably did more than I should have.  Overall, no "symptoms."  Mom made an amazing dinner tonight.  A salad and linguini with red sauce with ground meat throughout it and garlic bread.  It was sooo good!

Paxton is not having a very good day today and he is super tired and just went to bed a 1/2 hr early.  He also woke up very early.  Poor lil guy had a long day.  IDK if he's teething or what but he didn't even really eat a whole lot today and he usually eats like a pig.  I hope MH has an easy night with him because I"m not allowed to hold him til at least after my pregnancy test.  :(  I miss picking my lil guy up and giving him big hugs.

I do have a faint headache and it did look like my boobs are a lil veiny.  They look a lil fuller but don't hurt in any way at all.  No soreness what-so-ever.  I'm pretty excited this is the end of day 4.  Next up...day 5 :D

5dp3dt

Last night was horrible.  I was right in thinking that lil man was going to give MH a hard time.  We ALL slept about 3 hours last night.  Not consecutively.  MH and him are napping, right now.  We just got home, actually.  Lil man did really well for not getting any sleep.  We went to Trader Jacks and then out to lunch and then, um, maybe to the dollar store to buy 8 HPT's.  So, of course I was really excited to come home and take one and feel like I'm getting the ball rolling in one way or another and it wasn't negative......it also wasn't positive!  It was stupid inconclusive!  Nada.  No lines at all.  Just like I have nada symptoms.  I am completely convinced 10000% that this didn't work.  I know it!  I know from what I felt with my failed cycle and it is the same exact thing!  Which is nothing.

6dp3dt

Well, I'm half way there and still no symptoms.  My cramps are off and on.  I feel poopy at night but I think it's because at that point, I have 2 doses of endometrin in, already.  Paxton was up sick all night.  Ugh.  I am exhausted.  That's 6 hours of sleep in two days, combined.  He cried alllll night.  I have no choice but to pick him up.  My husband was unable to calm him down...let's just say it was a bad night.  Really bad.  

Since I was up at 3 am, I POAS because I figured that would be my FMU.  It was negative.  I wasn't expecting a positive.  I'm just glad it wasn't inconclusive!  So, it looks like I won't be testing until a very long tomorrow.  7dp3dt was the day I got a positive on my last FET.  I just know I'm not going to be lucky this time around.  I know it.  

It's 2:30 pm and I just took my second endometrin.  I opened my Discover bill today to find I got identity thefted for about $400 by a douche about 4 hours away from here with a counterfeit card.  I didn't even know you could counterfeit a card!  I noticed twice throughtout the day that I"m having twinges/pains in my boobs.  Could be the meds, now that I'm 1.5 boxes in.  Also, I had an emotional disaster last night and cried in the corner of the kitchen floor...in the dark.  Then again, I'm sleep deprived because of my sick son.  I'm so nervous for testing tomorrow.  

It's 10:20 pm and I'll be taking my third endometrin in about 10 minutes.  I sold some more stuff on that FB site :)  I made over $400 by selling stuff I didn't need or want, on there.  So excited!  Well, I had another episode of sore boobs.  It feels like a pinching or stinging.  It's weird.  I don't think it was that kind of pain in my last 2ww.  I couldn't even lay on them, back then.  This is nothing like that and it only happened 3 times today.  I did have diarrhea once today.  Sorry, TMI, again.....  But it's actually important to me because on this day for my last 2ww, I got it.  So, FX!!!  Hopefully it wasn't something random and is a good sign.  

Well, gonna take this pill and lie down.  Hopefully I can get to sleep before my sick lil guy wakes up.  He went to bed way too easily.  He didn't eat not 1 meal today :(  poor thing.  I have a feeling that bedtime just went way too smooth and we're gonna be in for it a third night in a row.  Until tomorrow.......

7dp3dt

I'm having a really bad day today.  It all started with a negative HPT and just escalated from there.  I decided to go out and give myself a little retail therapy.  Lil man is feeling better and he is with my MIL today.  They should actually be arriving here, shortly.  Anyways, I figured while I was childless, I'd go out and get some things done.  Probably spent more than I should have but I don't think I went too crazy.  I did have some gift cards that I used.  

No symptoms, still, yet I don't feel myself.  I used my GC to buy a venti cinnamon dolce latte and as soon as it got done, I remembered that I wasn't allowed to drink it!  I did, anyways :-/  Oh well... I don't have a headache today...yet.  Last night it was awful!  I wonder if this is going to take or not.  I thought I would be at peace if it didn't, but now I'm starting to think otherwise.  

My day didn't really get much better.  Not until about 7pm.  Paxton played his little heart out tonight.  He still didn't eat dinner but I'm hoping he gets his appetite back tomorrow.  He's slowly getting back to his old self.  So glad!  I think he played with every single thing he owns, tonight.  

I REALLY did not feel well tonight.  I felt fuzzy and just completely out of it. Almost disoriented type of feeling.  I had to meet someone for a sale at Eat n Park and the whole ride there and back, I just felt so bad. One good thing is that I didn't have a headache at all today! My end is nearing sooner than I think.  I hope it's a happy ending.  I'm so tired and I'm gonna head to bed.  Mom will be here tomorrow, with me.  UGHHH...I just shouldn't even test.  I feel like I'm torturing myself. Ooooo...thunder!  Definitely heading to bed.  

8dp3dt

Ya, this cycle definitely is a dud!  Still testing negative and still zero symptoms.  I'm sooooooo sick of hearing, "Every pregnancy is different."  No, F-U!  That's what I want to say back.  I know my body and I know that Dr W sucks and I did all of this for nothing because of HIM doing the transfer.  I'm so pissed off just thinking about it.  My uterus was in perfect shape at time of FET.  There should have been no reason that this didn't work.  I can't believe I got another negative today.  

Well, It's 11:30 at night and I just had another melt down.  Still no symptoms except for this killer headache, thanks to these stupid meds.  I don't even want to test tomorrow. Of course I"m a gluten for punishment, though, so I will.  

9dp3dt

Another BFN today.  It's really starting to sink in.  My temp today was 99.4 and I'm so tired.  It's so hard to keep my eyes open.  Thank God mom has been here cause IDK how I'd even stay awake.  

I've basically spent the whole day and night crying and I'd just like to end this day as early as possible and hope that tomorrow morning is better.  

10dp3dt

Paxton started off rough this morning.  His sleeping isn't going so well because of all the mucous from his teeth coming in.  God, I can't wait until this teething phase is all over with.  Teething is seriously the devil.  

Of course, another BFN this morning and AF is due tomorrow.  I'm sad Paxton isn't here.  It's going to be a long day.  

So, I basically slept the day away.  I'm just so tired and it's so hard to stay awake.  These meds are messing with me big time. I've spent the night crying.  I just know this isn't gonna happen.  

11dp3dt

Another day, another BFN.  AF hasn't arrived, yet.  Mom is here and I'm waiting for Paxton to wake up so I can give him some lunch and maybe we can get out of the house for a bit and enjoy this beautiful day.  I almost wish I could freeze time so I don't get official news on Monday.  

AF never came today but I am positive she is sure to show up because there's no way I'm pregnant.  No way! I asked TB girls if Endometrin will delay AF during a cycle they had with a BFN and they all said no.  I took it my 1st fresh round and I got AF with a BFN, so I just don't understand why I didn't get it today.  Totally playing mind games with me!  Of course, I'll test again, tomorrow.... 

Back in the Ring

I had to have my one and only tied tube removed on 12.20.13 because it was causing me problems.  I had so much fluid it uterus so they removed that and while I was under, they did a repeat hysteroscopy.  They were quick to shoo me out of the hospital after the surgery and it ended up getting infected and I was back in the ER for 7 freaking hours that same night.  I had a rough recovery, this time.  I was oozing blood out of my belly button among other things that I'll just spare you and not mention.  I went in for an early post-op (not with original RE) and I wasn't a big fan of her but nonetheless, right now I"m fine.  The one incision is kind of jacked up looking compared to all other 9 slices on my belly from other LAP's, but hopefully that all heals soon.

I got AF yesterday on the 13th and called into RE office and they said I"m good to go for my FET this month.  Hopefully I don't run into an hurdles and I really can go through with it.  I can't believe I've been trying to do this since August.  I satart my estrace on the 16th (Thursday) night and after 10 days, they're gonna bring me in just to see if any of that fluid is there and then on day 15 to check my lining.  If everything is ok, then my FET should be on 2.3.14

My BFF is coming in from 5 hours away to take me to the FET because MH got a new job and has no vacation days for a whole year.  It sucks he won't be able to go into the room with me.  Maybe she can watch DS while my mom takes me or maybe she'll take me and mom mom will watch DS.  I'd kind of rather my mom with me.......  Hmmm...  Gotta ask her about that one.  My friend will do anything I ask of her.  She's great like that.  She's gonna help me out while I"m on bedrest to take care of DS.  She'll be here a week.  meanwhile, she just took clomid and finds out on 27th is she gets a BFP or BFN.  I told her I understand if it's too much but she insists on helping.  She is my DS G-dmother and I lover her to death.

Well, I guess I"m gonna go to bed.  Just wanted to update what was going on.  It's been awhile.

More Disappointment

So, I go to see the RE on Monday.  I took the estrace and went to for u/s.  Got the call that there is an excessive amount of fluid in my uterus.  So, now, when I go in on Monday, we will discuss ANOTHER LAP!  My bad luck is never ending.  I can't believe I have to go through surgery, again.  I mean, I"m glad they caught it, instead of letting me go through with it, but, what are they gonna do?  Take out the tube that's tied?  They don't know where the fluid is coming from and if they can't get it under control, I will need a surrogate.  Ughhh...  TBD....

A lot can happen in a month!

So, I had the dreaded SHG done late September and apparently, there was a lot of scar tissue and polyps.  I met with the RE and his nurse and they scheduled me a hysteroscopy for October 8th.  This was basically the last thing I was expecting.

In the meantime, MH and I left 9-28 to 10-1 for a short anniversary vacation and left LO home.  That was the longest I had ever been away from him and only I cried 3 times.   I was so excited to come home to him but it also meant coming home to reality of getting surgery.

The surgery went quick and smooth.  The RE told me he didn't want me to get the FET til December but the way it fell, meant having to get it on my LO 1st birthday, which also is the day of his party.  Ummm, NO!  Then, the office is closed til mid January and I would have to wait til February.  I was pretty unhappy but surprisingly, I just went in for my post-op appt and RE told me if AF came this month, that I could go ahead with the FET in November.

MH was sure that I wasn't gonna get AF but there she was, right on time!  WOOHOO!  I called them and went in for my nurse talk the very next day and last night, I started my my first round of estrace.  My U/S is scheduled for the 13th and if all goes well, my FET should be the 17th :)

September 5, 2013

September 5, 2013

Labor day was nice.  We spent it over my parents with a Caribbean meal; jerk chicken and some mango chutney pineapple rice dish thing and Niki made s'more cupcakes.  As usual, we had lots of laughs and great conversation.  And did I mention that AF arrived and my SHG is scheduled!  Oh my goodness!  I can't believe it.  So, September 16th, we have to be there at 9:30 am for an 11:00 appointment.  We both have to get the HIV blood work, as well.  I have to fast, boooo!!!  Kim is going to give me something to take the edge off of me freaking out during this procedure.  I hope it's not as painful as the last time.  Just 11 more days to go and we get the ball rolling.  I spoke with my coordinator and basically asked her of my timeline here and what's gonna be going on and when.  So here is the line-up:  

1. Sonohysterogram on 16th
2. Go on vacation 28th - October 1.  Call Nurse when I get back to schedule nurse talk. 
3. Go to nurse talk
4. Call RE with October cycle so I can start my meds ( this should be end of October)
5. Start meds
6. Transfer (mid November-ish?) 

This is crazy to me with how fast this is all gong to go!  Especially with Paxton.  He makes it a point to keep me busy.  Love that lil guy!  

Here we go, again!!  We were blessed to have had a baby and now it is time to go back for our last 2 embryos, in hopes of giving our baby a little brother or sister.  


August 24, 2013

We are hoping for a November transfer and I am out of compliance for all of my blood work and tests, so we have to start, now.  BLAH!  I am not looking forward to the sonohysterogram.  Everyone says it didn't bother them but for some reason, it sure as hell bothered me!  I have to call my RE on day 1 of period and that should be coming up very soon.  I'm dreading this test.  I think when I call in, I will ask if they can prescribe something to take the edge off a little bit.